If you are reading this, you probably feel like your life is crashing in around you. You have just discovered your partner’s compulsive sexual behavior that has been hidden from you for who knows how long. Or you are reading this because your partner has found what you have kept hidden for so long. Sexual betrayal can rock the foundation of a relationship. Shame, guilt, anxiety, and depression are just some of the common reactions to discovering compulsive sexual behavior. Sexual addiction or pornography addiction is more than just having a single affair, yet it is different for each couple that is dealing with the effects of compulsive sexual behavior. While you might view the affair as sexual addiction, it might be, or it might not be. Keep reading about what sexual addiction and pornography addiction look like below, and check out our service on affair therapy. 

The Fallout From Compulsive Sexual Behavior 

Couples who are seeking out relationship therapy to work through sex addiction and porn addiction are working through complicated and painful emotions. When you have one partner who is acting out sexually and hides it from the other partner to create hurt, pain, anger, sadness, and mistrust, for most couples, it doesn’t matter what the compulsive sexual behavior is; what matters is that it is negatively impacting their relationship, and if it doesn’t change, it will destroy the relationship. Sexual compulsive behavior shows up in pornography overuse, compulsive masturbation, having numerous affairs, using dating apps or other apps to talk to someone other than your partner sexually, paying for sex, having multiple partners outside your romantic relationship, or taking part in risk-taking sexual behavior. 

The Hurt Partner Fallout 

When someone you love hurts you so profoundly, it is called relationship trauma or betrayal trauma. The emotional pain that comes from finding out about your partner’s issues with sex or pornography can create this drama. The overwhelming nature of relationship trauma is making the way you would typically deal not work anymore. The relationship itself has become a source of danger rather than a source of safety. When you find out about the hidden compulsive sexual behaviors, it can create a loss of a sense of self, changing your identity, security, and stability. You may feel like every aspect of your life, including work, parenting, faith, and friendships, is being transformed. 

The Partner with Compulsive Sexual Behavior 

You are experiencing a wash of conflicting emotions, from feeling a sense of relief that you no longer have to keep secrets to feelings of shame, guilt, regret, and hopelessness. Since the discovery of problematic sexual behavior or pornography use, you might have been able to stop. Yet, you are now worried and anxious about what will happen to your relationship. You will need to embark on a new path of discovering a lifestyle of recovery, which will include couples counseling and individual recovery.

How Pornography Addiction Affects Your Relationship 

It might be pornography addiction, or it might just be the overuse of pornography; no matter what you call it, it’s impacting your relationship. Hiding your porn use has created mistrust in the relationship. Your partner will think, if you are hiding this, what else are you hiding from me? When you overuse pornography, you might find yourself looking at more and more extreme images or looking at something that you would never actually want to do.  When you look at porn, you are escaping from your life, generally at times when your partner needs you. 

Common Issues for Pornography Overuse 

• Lack of interest in sex with your partner. 
• Possible erectile dysfunction while having intercourse. 
• Lack of ability to climax during intercourse OR premature climax. 
• Recall of pornography images to maintain an erection while having intercourse.
• Spending more money and time than you would like on the Pursuit of pornography.

How Sexual Addiction Affects Your Relationship

From sexting, multiple affairs, to risk-taking sexual behavior, your compulsive sexual behavior is harming your relationship. Your partner is fearful, angry, sad, and hurt, and you might be feeling shame, guilt, and hopelessness. Mistrust has grown because you were not where you said you were, and you were spending money that your partner was unaware of. Harmful sexual behaviors vary by the relationship, but the pain and hurt that these behaviors cause are the same. 

Common Issues with Sexual Addiction 

• Multiple affairs or infidelity. 
• Risk-taking sexual behavior.
• Spending more money and time than you would like on the pursuit of sex.
• Sending sexual images via text, or sexting, to others who are not your partner. 

Richer Life Counseling Approach to Healing 

At Richer Life Counseling Las Vegas, we help couples work through the complex nature of sexual addiction and pornography addiction. When you seek out therapy with us, you can reconstruct your marriage, repairing it from the trauma. However, couples counseling is not a short-term fix or something you can do for a few sessions. We have a structured approach to help your relationship heal from sexual addiction and pornography addiction. 

Stopping  Sexual Addiction & Pornography Addiction

Stopping all unhealthy sexual behavior is hard. Through couples counseling, the couple will learn how to identify and address the behaviors that need to change. The partner with compulsive sexual behavior will learn how to work through addictive behaviors. The hurting partner will learn how to set clear boundaries. We recommend that the partner with the compulsive sexual behavior seek out individual therapy or a recovery program. You can check out our recovery program, which is both a process group and online recovery, at www.richerliferecovery.com

Build Trust 

Once boundaries are put into place, and the partner who was sexually acting out is in recovery. The couple moves to what is needed to build trust. Couples must learn to show up for each other in new ways. Becoming emotionally vulnerable and empathic towards each other and avoiding old ways of conflict and learning new communication skills. 

Repairing & Straightening 

The last stage of sexual addiction & pornography addiction couples counseling is healing the wounds that were created in the relationship. Then, learning new ways to protect the relationship at all costs. Strengthening the relationship comes in forms of new communication, new behaviors, and structure in what you want your relationship to be like. 

Couples who come to couples counseling and work through our approach to healing will gain a deeper understanding of the role each partner needs to play in repairing the relationship. With the help of a therapist, both partners will learn to express the pain, hurt, sadness, and shame that come from sex addiction and porn addiction. 

Healing Your Relationship From Sex Addiction & Porn Addiction. 

Couples who have achieved emotional safety, have rebuilt trust, and learn how to make a meaningful emotional connection with each other. Will move towards the ending stages of therapy. Couples will learn how to forgive the compulsive sexual behavior. The hurt partner can learn to forgive the hurtful behaviors without ignoring the hurt caused by them. The hurt partner will learn to hold the pain and help create a safe environment. The couple then moves into developing a healthy, long-lasting relationship that is more connected physically and emotionally than ever before.

What keeps Couples Away from Couples Counseling 

Why stay married after betrayal?

I’ve always told myself (and everyone else in my life) that if I were in a relationship where my partner had an affair(s), I would leave. We have heard this from many hurt partners that we work with. We have even heard that I went through every other relationship when someone had an affair, but this one seems so hard to leave. There is never just one reason why you will want to stay and repair with your partner. It is hard work, it is painful work. But we have seen many couples who find that healing the pain of infidelity through affair therapy has provided them with a healthier, happier relationship.

Can a marriage work after finding out about sexual addiction or porn addiction? 

Marriage can work after finding out. Marriage is a commitment to be there for your partner. Regardless of the reason for the addictive behavior, both partners can learn how to create a healthier marriage. Many couples will avoid thinking or talking about sexual compulsive behavior, but the hurt will linger on and come back at some point in the relationship if you do not address it. Clients with whom we have worked will not just heal the hurts of the sexual compulsive behavior, but will leave therapy with a healthier relationship than ever before.

Why seek out a counselor who specializes in sexual addiction and pornography addiction?

Seeking a counselor specializing in sexual addiction and pornography addiction will lead to more profound healing. Many therapists might use their judgments about sex, sexual addiction, and pornography addiction when treating it. At Richer Life Counseling, we specialize in helping relationships heal from sexual addiction and pornography addiction. We do more than give out worksheets and talk about addition. Couples will learn to access what led to the breach of trust and how to safeguard their relationship from any future violations of trust. Our Clinical Director received his PhD in clinical sexology, focusing his dissertation on the development of a sex-positive treatment protocol that all our therapists use. We also have a certified sex therapist and a certified sex addiction therapist on staff to offer the help that is needed.

Start Healing Today 

It is never too late to start recovering your relationship from sexual addiction and pornography addiction. Contact us today with any questions, or book with any of our therapists listed below.